Almost Thirty: Memory Lane Part I

Memory

Sometimes I get a little sentimental about the days before I was diagnosed with cancer. Often times it’s when I am relaxing my achy soul in a steaming bubble bath while Patsy Cline cradles my heart with her soothing songs in the background. Drifting into another lifetime, the thought of the long-standing side effects of chemotherapy are not lost upon me. “Chemo brain” is the common lingo used to describe the forgetfulness, where some cancer patients like myself are greatly impacted. That combined with the lethal pain management medication, it becomes easy to have left your mind in an unknown place.

If memory serves me right (pun intended), I used to be as sharp as a tack. A memory of an elephant and the ability to recount the tiniest of details was a knack I thought I’d never shake. Admittedly I see now that I took it for granted. Throughout my school days it was not unusual for me to retain everyone’s name in every single class, whether we spoke or not. It was a part of my charm, even perhaps making others feel special every so often. Maybe?

Then cancer entered my life. I started treatment and one of the initial impressions of chemotherapy, aside from the physical elements, was feeling detached from my mind and memory. Spacey would be an understatement of how I swiftly felt as my treatment proceeded, leaving me to barely recount short or long-term cognizance.

From there it trickled down and sanctioned me into thinking about where my life is presently and all of the hopes and dreams I still have for myself. The floodgates to the inevitable neatly seep in and take over, with mortality becoming the forefront of every  foggy thought. In the midst of the flood, something happens and like a life vest, my memories suddenly save me. It can be triggered by a text, a picture, a song or even a smell and all at once, just like that, I remember. I remember why I fight so damn hard everyday to beat this cancer, to reclaim my life. The memories provide the sunshine when the path is too dim to see what’s ahead. And soon, I will be able to say that I have 30 years full of magnificent memories and have been blessed with such a colorful life.

As my 30th Birthday approaches, I am going to take a trip down memory lane each day and share some of my life’s most precious moments on  Be Still My Heart Blog. Life should be celebrated and while I continue to kick cancer’s ass each day, I will always have my blog to look upon and reminisce, giving me the fuel to continue to fight for my future.

Enjoy this gem of Steve and I on a trip to California and check in as I look back through the years…x

Love, Britt x

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Time ⏰

This evening, during my nightly phone call to my Mum, the subject of time came up. I was asking when my younger siblings were going to be released from school for summer break, to which she replied within the next two weeks. This means that my baby brothers and sister will be another year older; one a junior, one a freshman and the baby of the family will be in seventh grade. It got me thinking, where does time go?

As a child we wait for so many things- a birthday, Christmas, school dances, getting our drivers license, graduation, then college. As adults we tend less to wait for things, as the time flashes before us in the blink of an eye and the real treasure is time itself. There isn’t a remote to pause, rewind or stop the hands of time, but somehow it seems as though everything is fixed on fast-forward and it’s astonishing how short a time it can take for things to transform. In life, our days are numbered, but our souls do not have calendars or clocks, nor do they know the notion of time.

Over the weekend, it was one of those times where I wish life came with a remote. I wanted to freeze time and soak up all of the contentment that life in that very moment had to offer. Friday began with my very best friend visiting from California, where we spent the day laughing and generally being our weird selves, followed by Saturday which was spent with our small gang, “ABC”, Allison, Britt and Crystal. My best ladies and I reveled in the Arizona sunshine by sitting poolside, coupled with amazing cocktails and lots of chatter. The time spent was precious and long awaited, but never the less fleeting in its momentary bliss. The day transitioned into night, where some other friends joined us whom we hadn’t seen in some time, along with our significant others. Happiness was shared all around and before I could clench to the occasion, it was over in an instant and I retrieved to enfolding my best friend in a goodbye hug. Just like that the visit had come to a close and we are back to counting the days until we would see each other again.

The busy and quickening weekend forged ahead and my lovely cousin, Tom and his beautiful bride to be, Steph, stopped in Arizona on their journey across America. Tom and Steph are visiting from England and although our time spent together was short lived before they were off on their next destination, we embraced every moment of their company, enjoying it to the hilt. The four of us explored Downtown Phoenix, whilst bar hopping and having a great laugh. Once again the time flashed before us and was over in an instant.

I’m so eternally grateful to have such amazing relationships and people in my life. Time spent with all of them is definitely time well spent. It’s the oldest story in the history of the world; one day you’re ten and planning for someday and then quietly without ever really noticing, that someday is today and that someday is yesterday and this is your life. Try to enjoy every moment that you are given, stop to appreciate the small things and most importantly hang on to the memories that make you happy, for the experience of them is what makes life truly worthwhile.

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Pool Day

BrittCody

Guys

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BestFrenz

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BrittCrystal

ABC2

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Love, Britt x