A BROAD, ABROAD WITH A BLOG, ✈

Hello, my shining moonbeams. It’s been a minute. Within that minute I have entered what I feel to be a new phase in my life, a freeing phase that is catapulted by happiness. For nearly a month, I spent time across the pond and rediscovered my life and the things I want out of it.

To start off, wow. Can I just say – I LOVE ENGLAND! I’ve always known that and I had been there times before, but this time felt different. As most of you know, if you follow my story, I have been on travel lock down since my cancer diagnosis in the summer of 2013. By nature I am a jetsetter. I enjoy being in unknown places, without being attached to my “real” life and the troubles within. When I travel, there is a certain romance to it, a freedom that allows you to be whomever you want and for me, that is living without a terminal illness. I’m able to go back to being me; an adventurer with thirst in my blood for worldly experiences. When I was diagnosed, I felt that one of the biggest losses to having cancer was the fact that I could no longer be as free as I wished to be. My citizen of the world passport would no longer apply and I’d be stuck doing treatment after treatment without an escape. My escape had become writing. If I were no longer going to be able to leave and experience life, then I’d write about it, which I have.

This year, 2015, I vowed to myself that it would be different than the last two, that I would yet again spread my wings and live a little. In the beginning of the year I approached my Doctor and pleaded for some independence from my chemotherapy week after week, to which she obliged and advised that 2015 could be my year of travel with chemo squeezed in between. It was the best news I had heard in quite some time and immediately booked a trip to Hawaii with Steve-O and planned the trip for Nan and I go travel to the UK together to attend my beautiful cousin’s wedding and share laughs and love with the family over there that we don’t get to see often enough.

The trip was so important to me and I wanted to ensure that I soaked everything in. My Nan in her very own way was my wish-granting factory, as she made the trip happen. Being that we were returning to her home town, I was fortunate enough to visit her previous homes, where she grew up, the house she was born in, the hospital she had my Mum and Auntie Bev in, where my Granddad went to college, where the two of them were married and so much more. Being able to experience England through her eyes was more than my hearts desire and something I will never be able to thank her enough for.

There were endless amounts of stories, laughs, fish and chips, tea and best of all time with family on both my Nan’s side and my Granddad’s side.   My roots are in full force over there and it was lovely to get to know that side of myself so much more. The posh wedding of my cousin, which we attended, has built memories that will last a life time, as well as traveling to Chester, Liverpool and all over the Wirral with my cousin’s and their other halves, of course also visiting London with the best company and seeing each and every friend and family member. Howls were had, love was expressed and England will forever hold the key to my heart. Quite literally, as Nan and I locked our love on Albert Dock in Liverpool and threw the key into the River Mersey. Our loved ones can continue to visit us in Liverpool, even though we may not physically be there, our spirit will always remain.

Since I’ve been back I have been reliving each moment in my head and finding it difficult to write about. My time spent there was so special, that it is difficult to express. I feel rejuvenated and feel I have a new sense of direction for my life.   Suddenly gears have started moving upon my return and from that, fresh goals have emerged. I’m super excited about the future and what it holds and as things get closer, I’ll share more deets.

In the meantime, check out some photos from my trip and watch out for some upcoming projects and collabos. Big Kiss x.

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Love, Britt x

Updates: 03/31/2014

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Hello, lovers! I’ve been hiding under a rock the past few days working away at my book. I’m happy to say I am five chapters in and it’s coming along well. It’s been very interesting to relive the last nine months and has brought up a lot of different emotions, both happy and sad. It has made me realize how far I have come and how much my mind, body and soul has endured over the last nine months of my life. Certainly it has made me a much stronger person, even though I feel weak from time to time and let my situation get the best of me.

I have some exciting updates to share. First and foremost, I have been hired by an online magazine to be a writing contributor/freelance writer. The magazine is geared toward women and cancer, but other topics will be discussed that will appeal to a larger audience. I’ve been working on my first few columns, so once the website officially launches, be on the lookout for my updates. I am very excited about the opportunity for many reasons. I am happy to be afforded the opportunity and experience to write for a magazine and strengthen my writing muscle, as well as bring further awareness to cancer and working closely with strong, independent women. I feel I will learn a great deal from this experience and can’t wait to share more details with you all!

Secondly, I had my first Doctor appointment with my Oncologist in about a month. It was so wonderful to see all of my friends that work in the office and I was well received with big hugs. It’s amazing how much you bond with the Doctor’s and nurses that are responsible for making you a whole person again. I truly don’t know what I’d do without them. They took some blood to see where my tumor markers and numbers are at since being off of chemo for the last month and a half. So, fingers crossed that my numbers have remained low since chemo. I shared with my Doctor that my neuropathy is still around, but slowly and surely getting better day by day. Over the last three weeks I have been keeping myself very busy and that has helped both mentally and physically to cure the neuropathy. As I keep telling myself, a body in motion stays in motion. Steve and I also met with a social worker that will begin seeing the both of us on a regular basis. For a long time I was too prideful to seek out counseling or to talk to anyone professionally speaking, however I have finally given in and think it will do Steve and I a world of good to discuss and work through everything that we have going on since my diagnosis. I realized it takes a strong person to admit that help may be needed and we both look forward to the benefits this will bring.

Lastly, I have been trying to go up on my rooftop to swim each day and get some sunshine. It’s amazing what a little vitamin D can do for you. Since getting sunshine each day, my mental state has been much more positive. I am trying to soak in as many rays as possible before we enter the Arizona summer. Thankfully it’s been a beautiful spring and there are plenty of beautiful days ahead.

I hope you all have a wonderful week. I’ll be updating the blog later this week!

Love,

Britt x

RIP, Arianna ♥♡♥

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To us it was just an ordinary day, the beginning to a beautiful spring weekend.  For Arianna and her precious loved ones, this third weekend in March was unlike any other and was the end of a battle that a beautiful little girl fought.  Although I never had the pleasure of meeting Arianna or her family, I discovered Arianna’s beautiful light when I was scrolling through Instagram and a close friend shared Arianna’s feat against cancer.  Unsure of her age, it is clear that Arianna was far too young to have experienced the evils of cancer.  Their is not a child on the face of the earth that should have to endure cancer; the despicable life threatening disease that takes so many children and adults lives day after day, year after year.

Although I am battling for my life everyday, I would do it again and again if it meant that children were exempt from this heinous war on their bodies.  It’s easy for me to fall victim to feeling sorry for myself time after time.  However, when I see or hear about a child that has to suffer from cancer and lose their life, it puts everything into perspective.  I was met with a huge reality when seeing Arianna’s angelic face.  There is no doubt that she was a hero, whether you know her or not.  One look at her amazing face and you know that she was a ray of beaming sunshine.

Despite your political stance, religion or beliefs, I am certain that the thought of cancer and children brings a tear to your eye.  No, I did not personally have the pleasure of knowing Arianna or her family, but they are in my thoughts, heart and prayers.  May Arianna find peace up above and watch over her family like the angel that she is.  May Arianna’s family find it in their heart to bravely bless other people with Arianna’s story and find peace and happiness to never forget and always love Arianna.

Thanks, Lulu for sharing her inspiring story.

Love,

Britt x

Unpremeditated Divine Gift

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I haven’t shied away from sharing the ebbs and flows of my cancer diagnosis.  It’s no secret that more recently I have been deeply despondent.  My downcast deriving from a marriage to my bed and rem curates a sense of unaccomplished existence.  It’s just the price I pay in order to come back to life; lots of sleeps, stacks of missed moments in time, bridged with a loneliness that lingers while I repose in my cocoon, awaiting to spread my wings and become a butterfly.  In the dark hours of the night, memory becomes your partner; fostered and cherished as you remind yourself of all the good times life has given you before it was decided that your world would turn upside down.

The opaque hours of the night also convey the things I want to do when recovered health fits me like a glove. This experience has allotted for mass self-discovery, but I want to also re-discover myself once this is all over and use the lessons I have learned from these happenings and run away with it.  Traveling seems the best place to set myself completely free.  There is a romance to traveling, no one knows who you are, what you have endured and there are no strings attached to anything, but being wide open for self-discovery and the rest of the world as well as all of its stories.  Just the mere thought of travel pulls me out of these days that seem to be offering little hope.  But the hope of being part of a vast organism to explore and create sustains that there is light at the end of this long, very dark tunnel.

Becoming more and more of a rarity, I was able to catch up with some of my wonderfully, lovely friends over this past weekend.  I had slept enough the week prior and assembled up enough energy to revel in delectable margaritas, live music and some damn good company.  Suddenly the silk screen of sadness and melancholy lifted and we all picked up exactly where we left off.  Conversations about nothing and everything at the same time.  It was fantastic to see them, catch up and regain some of the normalcy I so crave.

Today my chemotherapy treatment picked back up and although my levels were still not satisfactory, they were stable enough to move forward with treatment.  Hopefully I will feel decent over the next few days and enjoy some moments.  I guess the real moral of the story is that living is an art form, everyone’s picture is painted a little differently and truly knowing that, as death is at your door step day after day, the gift of breathing is a sort of constant euphoria, and to understand that gift is gloriously deliberate, unpremeditated divine gift of the few.

Love,

Britt x

Thank you ♡

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I am so appreciative and thankful for the support I have received from family, friends and strangers as I battle this epic disease that is cancer. Not but a month ago I started this blog as a platform of therapy and to share my story. Thank you for being a part of my journey and caring enough to read my scattered thoughts through this process.

Love,

Britt x