When I was a child, maybe six or seven, I told my cousin that my favorite color was clear. He argued with me, exclaiming that clear was in fact not a color. We pretty much grew up as brother and sister, loving and arguing as such. Rumor has it, I was an extremely bossy and demanding child, in which case not much has altered. Nevertheless, my beloved cousin and I made it through my dictator phase and recently reminisced over the phone about that brief, clear conversation during our adolescence. Cracking up at the transparent ridiculousness of it all, we ended the call. The urge to suddenly psycho analyze myself came over me.
What was it about this quirky “favorite color” of mine and why would it make sense throughout the common theme of my life?
I was on it.
Clear. Clear? Clear! Suddenly everything seemed clear as day. Throughout my entire life I have craved clarity and even more so now that I am on a journey of finding my true self. Understanding my story and the purpose of my set of circumstances, has become one of the driving forces that continues to keep up my resiliency.
Without going into too much detail, there were some befogging things about my youth. An American with a British accent — Great Britt, my loved ones would call me. My Mum was a teenager when she brought me into this world and just a short while later my biological father died at a very young age. Heartbreakingly, my Granddad soon followed, passing away from cancer that rapidly took him at forty-nine, leaving him to depart in a matter of months.
Cancer, son of a bitch.
Because I didn’t have a father in my younger years, before my Dad adopted me, my Granddad was my first love and his death was both devastating and confusing all at once. Many tragedies took place in the short amount of time I had been on earth and I didn’t realize at the time how much all of these events would shape me as a human.
Material items were abundantly gifted to me from the strong women that raised me; never leaving me without anything, especially love. Even still, I always felt a pinch unclear about a lot.
Around the same time I had originally professed my favorite color to my cousin, I met my very best friend, Crystal. Coincidence in her name? Perhaps. Or perhaps it was shimmering kismet. My attraction to her from the very beginning was her ability to be completely transparent, even to this day. She is the person that I can count on to tell me when I am making reckless decisions, or make me cry because she gives it to me straight instead of blowing smoke up my ass. Tough love at its finest and as always, crystal clear.
Fast forward twenty plus years and my life’s mission is to expose myself; as open as the air. Make the most out of myself, while welcoming people along for the ride. I’m working everyday for a clear vision as to why I am here and a purpose as to how I have been blessed time and time again after coming so intensely close to death.
One thing is clear for certain; clarity comes from within, as well as the people you surround yourself with and exploring your core being. From there, life becomes as clear as the sunniest day you ever did see.
Love,
Britt xx
PS: Thanks for the memories, Aust. Clear for life. xx
Be Still My Heart Blog 