Let Me Be Clear:

clear

When I was a child, maybe six or seven, I told my cousin that my favorite color was clear. He argued with me, exclaiming that clear was in fact not a color.   We pretty much grew up as brother and sister, loving and arguing as such. Rumor has it, I was an extremely bossy and demanding child, in which case not much has altered. Nevertheless, my beloved cousin and I made it through my dictator phase and recently reminisced over the phone about that brief, clear conversation during our adolescence. Cracking up at the transparent ridiculousness of it all, we ended the call. The urge to suddenly psycho analyze myself came over me.  

What was it about this quirky “favorite color” of mine and why would it make sense throughout the common theme of my life?

I was on it.

Clear.  Clear?  Clear!  Suddenly everything seemed clear as day.  Throughout my entire life I have craved clarity and even more so now that I am on a journey of finding my true self.  Understanding my story and the purpose of my set of circumstances, has become one of the driving forces that continues to keep up my resiliency.

Without going into too much detail, there were some befogging things about my youth.  An American with a British accent — Great Britt, my loved ones would call me.  My Mum was a teenager when she brought me into this world and just a short while later my biological father died at a very young age. Heartbreakingly, my Granddad soon followed, passing away from cancer that rapidly took him at forty-nine, leaving him to depart in a matter of months.

Cancer, son of a bitch.

Because I didn’t have a father in my younger years, before my Dad adopted me, my Granddad was my first love and his death was both devastating and confusing all at once. Many tragedies took place in the short amount of time I had been on earth and I didn’t realize at the time how much all of these events would shape me as a human.

Material items were abundantly gifted to me from the strong women that raised me; never leaving me without anything, especially love.  Even still, I always felt a pinch unclear about a lot.

Around the same time I had originally professed my favorite color to my cousin, I met my very best friend, Crystal.  Coincidence in her name? Perhaps. Or perhaps it was shimmering kismet.  My attraction to her from the very beginning was her ability to be completely transparent, even to this day.  She is the person that I can count on to tell me when I am making reckless decisions, or make me cry because she gives it to me straight instead of blowing smoke up my ass.  Tough love at its finest and as always, crystal clear.

Fast forward twenty plus years and my life’s mission is to expose myself; as open as the air.  Make the most out of myself, while welcoming people along for the ride.  I’m working everyday for a clear vision as to why I am here and a purpose as to how I have been blessed time and time again after coming so intensely close to death.

One thing is clear for certain; clarity comes from within, as well as the people you surround yourself with and exploring your core being. From there, life becomes as clear as the sunniest day you ever did see.
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Love,

Britt xx

PS:  Thanks for the memories, Aust.  Clear for life. xx

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#BSMHB – 1st VLOG of 2016

Happy New Year!

The last month of 2015 proved to be crazy — to say the least.  Here’s a little re-cap of everything that went down with my operation and how I am recovering, as well as what’s up for 2016.


Always,

Britt x

HI!

Britt Inner Peace

The search for inner peace is a hard conquest — one that many people spend their entire lives looking for. When things get a little unsteady, I can usually look to that inner peace and strength to get me through, however sometimes when searching for it, it appears to have gone missing. So far this year, I have been missing in action from writing on my blog, to which is something I’ve always been able to turn to when I am a bit on the “emosh” side.

It’s easier for me to write when I am in pain. Maybe I’m a masochist, or my Scorpio like tendencies are driven by the moody blues, but my goal this year is to find it within myself to also be inspired to write when I am happy and share all of the positive things that are going on in my young life, rather than being limited to my cancer diagnosis. I hope to be reacquainted more with my blog and followers by sharing areas within my life that is worth sharing. The truth is, I live a life so full and that should be what keeps me going, rather than my sad story of cancer. Please don’t get me wrong, cancer is VERY much a part of my life and it still rules my life to some degree, but more than ever I am learning and re-learning to do the things I love and compartmentalize my energy into doing what’s best for me. I am no longer an injured bird, searching for a nest. Instead I have been soaring and dare I say feeling a little bit more at peace each day.

There are a few current projects in motion and things that have taken me away from my blog writing, which have challenged me in many ways. Within my other efforts of writing, even privately in my journal, I have been able to execute and exhale everything that I have been feeling. 2015 thus far has been great. I can count on one hand how many chemo treatments I have had, there haven’t been any visits to the hospital and nothing major (other than my regular treatment) that is getting in the way of enjoying my life. Just last month I was able to rejoice in a week long vacation with, Steve in Hawaii. To enlighten on how necessary and needed the trip was for the two of us would be impossible to explain. However, it revived both of us from the last twenty months of peaks and valleys.

Tomorrow will be my last chemotherapy treatment before I’m off to travel, again, this time visiting the UK for nearly a month. It will be nice to be in motion and quench my thirst for worldly experiences by spreading my wings and flying. Upon my return, I hope to revamp my blog and share with you some of my new experiences, as well as travel stories. In the meantime, I have some things coming up, so stay tuned…

To stay updated best, catch me on Instagram: @bestillmyheartblog

Yours always,

B

PS- Watch out for AWARE MAGAZINE coming soon, with a piece written by yours truly in the POWERFUL YOUNG WOMEN BEHIND THE SCENES…

AWARE MAG 2015

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