Fraudulently Inspiring:

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I wish I could tell you where I go when I go quiet. It’s often when I feel my walls crumbling down around me. Lately I have been struggling to find purpose in my life, but I know my weaknesses and I know my voice and writing happens to be just that. I know I shouldn’t abandon the one thing that gives me purposefulness and solace in my lowest of low. When I feel weak it builds the walls around me up , strengthening the world that I live in.

Pain has been something I’ve been dealing with lately, a lot of cracks in my everyday life that darkness seems to have been setting in much more than light. I’ve needed to find my way back to my latest disgrace. Feeling as though I am a fraud in the light of inspiration that so many find me to be. How can one be inspiring when I can’t even feel my feet below me? I feel lost and sleep the hours away under the spell of depression.

My Doctor gave me a month break from chemo as he sees how tired I have become from all of my treatments. After the month is over I will resume back on chemo as well as begin a clinic trial, which is not approved by the FDA. Of course all of this makes me nervous. It’s a constant reminder that my life is in the hands of medicine, in poison. However, I am going to take full advantage of this month and get plenty of rest, per Doctors orders.

I feel stifled by the air in my chest and the anxiety that I am currently enduring. My heart is flooded with emotion, not with haste but an understanding that I am what I am and my life is how it is. All I can hope is that one-day my scars will be healed and all of this pain will be far away. That I can learn to live with what I am, full-fill my dreams and that this fickle flesh will not go to waste.

The reality is that I have no time to spare, I have to put up a fight and rise to the occasion. Find my purpose in what I love most, which is writing. Get back in touch with my one true love. Find consolation in the people that believe in me, so I can still believe in myself. Coming out of the woods by choice and be sure that I can see a new start.

Thank you for bringing me out of the cold. Let’s hope the darkness in my head is tamed  and the sunshine beams through instead.

Love,

Britt x

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Monday Blues: Leads to Making Your Own Rules

Fireball and PBR

Do the Monday blues have you feeling down?  Me, too!  I’d much rather be doing ↑ right about now.

[Hawaii  I  Bus I  Fireball Whiskey  I  PBR  I  RAD Shirt]

I think I have the perfect solution:  Let’s make our own RULES!  

Although I don’t have the typical 9-5 career, I still get a bad case of the Monday blues from time to time.  Perhaps it’s because I know my partner in crime, Steve has to work and all I want to do is play.  Or perhaps because I know that it means I’ll have a slew of Doctor’s visits, as I do most weeks.  Even if it is just doing some creative work, my weeks somehow blur into one another and before I know it, Monday happens all over again. Do ya feel?

Well, here is a few ways that have been easing me along my merry little way on a Monday.  I hope it suits you too!

♥ Plant your feet on the ground and feel the bare earth from your heel to the tips of your toes (if you can).  This sounds like I’ve had too much medicinal cannabis, but just hear me out.  A yoga teacher once told me that welcoming the day with fresh air when you wake up, while connecting yourself with your surroundings is key for your mind, body and soul.  Take a minute, inhale and exhale and your week will begin with greater conciousness, alerting an even greater sense of gratitude to be afforded another day, another week and new beginnings.

♥ Document your weekend.  Take photos, mental notes, anything that can make you smile come noon time, when you are all too close to slamming your head against the wall.  It may give you 2-3 seconds of laughter, but the smile has a tendency to linger.

♥ Ask people how they are doing.  I know this may seem pretty typical — but, ask and MEAN it!  The thing is, people can pick up on genuine vibes and you’ll most likely make their day.  It becomes a domino effect and your vibe attracts your tribe.  Monday’s would be far more groovy and the week much easier to get through if the mood starts out right.  Set the tone — I dare you!

♥ Don’t work, play.  Find a way to make ANYTHING that you do fun.  If that means listening to your favorite jams (current obsession alert: Meg Myers) or a little chair dancing (keep it appropriate).  My point is, just have a laugh.  Don’t take yourself too seriously as those daunting Mondays arrive.  Enlighten your senses.

♥ Look past the uncomfortable and push yourself to do or try one thing you wouldn’t typically do.  Obviously everything in moderation, but nevertheless it will keep your week fresh and you’ll have something to look forward to.  The best part is, it can be ANYTHING:  trying exotic, new food(sss), hiking a different trail than usual (or for me, just hiking in general), but you get the gist.  Explore new things and feelings and at the end of the day, you can confidently say you are a renegade and Monday is your b.i.t.c.h.

What are some things that help kickstart your week with a bang?

Love,

Britt x