A BROAD, ABROAD WITH A BLOG, ✈

Hello, my shining moonbeams. It’s been a minute. Within that minute I have entered what I feel to be a new phase in my life, a freeing phase that is catapulted by happiness. For nearly a month, I spent time across the pond and rediscovered my life and the things I want out of it.

To start off, wow. Can I just say – I LOVE ENGLAND! I’ve always known that and I had been there times before, but this time felt different. As most of you know, if you follow my story, I have been on travel lock down since my cancer diagnosis in the summer of 2013. By nature I am a jetsetter. I enjoy being in unknown places, without being attached to my “real” life and the troubles within. When I travel, there is a certain romance to it, a freedom that allows you to be whomever you want and for me, that is living without a terminal illness. I’m able to go back to being me; an adventurer with thirst in my blood for worldly experiences. When I was diagnosed, I felt that one of the biggest losses to having cancer was the fact that I could no longer be as free as I wished to be. My citizen of the world passport would no longer apply and I’d be stuck doing treatment after treatment without an escape. My escape had become writing. If I were no longer going to be able to leave and experience life, then I’d write about it, which I have.

This year, 2015, I vowed to myself that it would be different than the last two, that I would yet again spread my wings and live a little. In the beginning of the year I approached my Doctor and pleaded for some independence from my chemotherapy week after week, to which she obliged and advised that 2015 could be my year of travel with chemo squeezed in between. It was the best news I had heard in quite some time and immediately booked a trip to Hawaii with Steve-O and planned the trip for Nan and I go travel to the UK together to attend my beautiful cousin’s wedding and share laughs and love with the family over there that we don’t get to see often enough.

The trip was so important to me and I wanted to ensure that I soaked everything in. My Nan in her very own way was my wish-granting factory, as she made the trip happen. Being that we were returning to her home town, I was fortunate enough to visit her previous homes, where she grew up, the house she was born in, the hospital she had my Mum and Auntie Bev in, where my Granddad went to college, where the two of them were married and so much more. Being able to experience England through her eyes was more than my hearts desire and something I will never be able to thank her enough for.

There were endless amounts of stories, laughs, fish and chips, tea and best of all time with family on both my Nan’s side and my Granddad’s side.   My roots are in full force over there and it was lovely to get to know that side of myself so much more. The posh wedding of my cousin, which we attended, has built memories that will last a life time, as well as traveling to Chester, Liverpool and all over the Wirral with my cousin’s and their other halves, of course also visiting London with the best company and seeing each and every friend and family member. Howls were had, love was expressed and England will forever hold the key to my heart. Quite literally, as Nan and I locked our love on Albert Dock in Liverpool and threw the key into the River Mersey. Our loved ones can continue to visit us in Liverpool, even though we may not physically be there, our spirit will always remain.

Since I’ve been back I have been reliving each moment in my head and finding it difficult to write about. My time spent there was so special, that it is difficult to express. I feel rejuvenated and feel I have a new sense of direction for my life.   Suddenly gears have started moving upon my return and from that, fresh goals have emerged. I’m super excited about the future and what it holds and as things get closer, I’ll share more deets.

In the meantime, check out some photos from my trip and watch out for some upcoming projects and collabos. Big Kiss x.

Follow me on Instagram for daily updates: bestillmyheartblog

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Love, Britt x

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HI!

Britt Inner Peace

The search for inner peace is a hard conquest — one that many people spend their entire lives looking for. When things get a little unsteady, I can usually look to that inner peace and strength to get me through, however sometimes when searching for it, it appears to have gone missing. So far this year, I have been missing in action from writing on my blog, to which is something I’ve always been able to turn to when I am a bit on the “emosh” side.

It’s easier for me to write when I am in pain. Maybe I’m a masochist, or my Scorpio like tendencies are driven by the moody blues, but my goal this year is to find it within myself to also be inspired to write when I am happy and share all of the positive things that are going on in my young life, rather than being limited to my cancer diagnosis. I hope to be reacquainted more with my blog and followers by sharing areas within my life that is worth sharing. The truth is, I live a life so full and that should be what keeps me going, rather than my sad story of cancer. Please don’t get me wrong, cancer is VERY much a part of my life and it still rules my life to some degree, but more than ever I am learning and re-learning to do the things I love and compartmentalize my energy into doing what’s best for me. I am no longer an injured bird, searching for a nest. Instead I have been soaring and dare I say feeling a little bit more at peace each day.

There are a few current projects in motion and things that have taken me away from my blog writing, which have challenged me in many ways. Within my other efforts of writing, even privately in my journal, I have been able to execute and exhale everything that I have been feeling. 2015 thus far has been great. I can count on one hand how many chemo treatments I have had, there haven’t been any visits to the hospital and nothing major (other than my regular treatment) that is getting in the way of enjoying my life. Just last month I was able to rejoice in a week long vacation with, Steve in Hawaii. To enlighten on how necessary and needed the trip was for the two of us would be impossible to explain. However, it revived both of us from the last twenty months of peaks and valleys.

Tomorrow will be my last chemotherapy treatment before I’m off to travel, again, this time visiting the UK for nearly a month. It will be nice to be in motion and quench my thirst for worldly experiences by spreading my wings and flying. Upon my return, I hope to revamp my blog and share with you some of my new experiences, as well as travel stories. In the meantime, I have some things coming up, so stay tuned…

To stay updated best, catch me on Instagram: @bestillmyheartblog

Yours always,

B

PS- Watch out for AWARE MAGAZINE coming soon, with a piece written by yours truly in the POWERFUL YOUNG WOMEN BEHIND THE SCENES…

AWARE MAG 2015

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Time ⏰

This evening, during my nightly phone call to my Mum, the subject of time came up. I was asking when my younger siblings were going to be released from school for summer break, to which she replied within the next two weeks. This means that my baby brothers and sister will be another year older; one a junior, one a freshman and the baby of the family will be in seventh grade. It got me thinking, where does time go?

As a child we wait for so many things- a birthday, Christmas, school dances, getting our drivers license, graduation, then college. As adults we tend less to wait for things, as the time flashes before us in the blink of an eye and the real treasure is time itself. There isn’t a remote to pause, rewind or stop the hands of time, but somehow it seems as though everything is fixed on fast-forward and it’s astonishing how short a time it can take for things to transform. In life, our days are numbered, but our souls do not have calendars or clocks, nor do they know the notion of time.

Over the weekend, it was one of those times where I wish life came with a remote. I wanted to freeze time and soak up all of the contentment that life in that very moment had to offer. Friday began with my very best friend visiting from California, where we spent the day laughing and generally being our weird selves, followed by Saturday which was spent with our small gang, “ABC”, Allison, Britt and Crystal. My best ladies and I reveled in the Arizona sunshine by sitting poolside, coupled with amazing cocktails and lots of chatter. The time spent was precious and long awaited, but never the less fleeting in its momentary bliss. The day transitioned into night, where some other friends joined us whom we hadn’t seen in some time, along with our significant others. Happiness was shared all around and before I could clench to the occasion, it was over in an instant and I retrieved to enfolding my best friend in a goodbye hug. Just like that the visit had come to a close and we are back to counting the days until we would see each other again.

The busy and quickening weekend forged ahead and my lovely cousin, Tom and his beautiful bride to be, Steph, stopped in Arizona on their journey across America. Tom and Steph are visiting from England and although our time spent together was short lived before they were off on their next destination, we embraced every moment of their company, enjoying it to the hilt. The four of us explored Downtown Phoenix, whilst bar hopping and having a great laugh. Once again the time flashed before us and was over in an instant.

I’m so eternally grateful to have such amazing relationships and people in my life. Time spent with all of them is definitely time well spent. It’s the oldest story in the history of the world; one day you’re ten and planning for someday and then quietly without ever really noticing, that someday is today and that someday is yesterday and this is your life. Try to enjoy every moment that you are given, stop to appreciate the small things and most importantly hang on to the memories that make you happy, for the experience of them is what makes life truly worthwhile.

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Love, Britt x

 

Nan, Granddad and The Beatles, OH MY!

#TheBeatles I #BSMHB #BeStillMyHeartBlog I www.bestillmyheartblog.wordpress.com

Growing up in an all-British household, I was convinced during the first five years of my little life, that The Beatles were the British Government.  This of course came before I realized that John Lennon had been shot to death in New York City, five years prior to my birth and that there was such thing as the Royal Family and the House of Parliament, amongst many other things. After all, I was growing up in America, but the initial stages of my childhood were brought upon by British traditions and anecdotes.

Generally speaking,  it may have been the stories I was told from my Nan about how The Beatles hailed from the same region in which our family came from, or how she used to watch them at The Cavern Club before they took the world by storm with Beatlemania.  Imaginably, I have always glorified them because my Granddad had a band called “Cheshire Cats” where he would play at The Cavern Club, in Liverpool, just before The Beatles would take the stage.  Moreover, I have always had a special connection to their music and as I grow older I have the fondest of memories blaring the music with my Nan on the way to Las Vegas, or the time that my Nan, Mum, Auntie and I went to see Beatles Love Cirque Du Soleil and my Nan enlightened all of the songs and their some what political meaning they held at the time the songs were released.  I have always associated The Beatles with my Nan and Granddad and that will be something I can carry with me for the rest of my life.

Yesterday, I believe that I had my most challenging chemo session to date.  The Avastin once again reared it’s violent side effects on my weak body, despite taking the right measures and medications in an effort to avoid such symptoms.  While I didn’t have issues specific to my heart, I did have an incredibly difficult time breathing and each breath was taken with a sense of trepidation, as I felt that with each breath, it may be my last one.  Then began my old friend, the shakes.  My body began to convulse and erratic shaking took place.  As this was happening I was so doped up on medication that the only emotional response my body could retort was to cry in the arms of my lovely Nan.  Silently, I began to talk to my Granddad who is up in heaven and asked him to keep an extra eye on me and instantly within that little whisper, Here Comes the Sun began to play in my mind as I drifted in and out of consciousness.; “…little darling, it’s been a long, cold lonely winter, it feels like years since it’s been here.  Here comes the sun, here comes the sun and I say, it’s alright…”.  The song continued to play, for only my ears to hear and I knew it was a sign from my Granddad that he is watching over me and that everything would be alright.

As the ingenious John Lennon once said, “…we all shine on, like the moon, and the stars, and the sun.”  Thank you to my Nan for always being by my side through the fun times and the not-so fun times, you are my rock, my sunshine and to live in a world without you is unimaginable.  And to my Granddad, you may not be “here”, but thank you for letting me know you are with me, standing by my side, from the other side.   As for The Beatles, thank you for always providing me with a connection to my Nan and Granddad and for always being the chosen voice and sign during my times of trouble and hopelessness.

 “Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup, they slither wildly as they slip away across the universe. Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my opened mind possessing and caressing me.” – The Beatles, Across The Universe

I #BSMHB #BeStillMyHeartBlog I www.bestillmyheartblog.wordpress.com

I #BSMHB #BeStillMyHeartBlog I www.bestillmyheartblog.wordpress.com

I #BSMHB #BeStillMyHeartBlog I www.bestillmyheartblog.wordpress.com

I #BSMHB #BeStillMyHeartBlog I www.bestillmyheartblog.wordpress.comI #BSMHB #BeStillMyHeartBlog I www.bestillmyheartblog.wordpress.comI #BSMHB #BeStillMyHeartBlog I www.bestillmyheartblog.wordpress.com

Love,

Britt x