Ouch! 😫

As I sit here writing this post, I feel as though every bone in my hands are breaking, with each keystroke.  In fact, I feel as though every bone in my body is slowly splintering, similar to shin splints, but all over the body.  Due to this pain, my ability to walk has been impaired, as well as any minimal movement.

This last Thursday, I went into the clinic for my routine chemotherapy treatment.  With each treatment, biweekly, blood is drawn to determine my levels, i.e.- red blood cells, white blood cells, platelets, etc.  The last few chemo rounds, my white blood cell count has been riding the fence of being too low, which then effects whether or not they can proceed with my chemo treatment.  In the previous weeks, I have squeaked by, being right on the cusp of too low and sufficient to ensue with the chemo.  If the white blood cells are lower than desired, chemotherapy is temporarily placed on pause until the count increases.  Having said that, in order for the counts to surge, bone marrow shots are vital.

Since Thursday, I have had a shot everyday in an effort to upturn my white blood cell count.  However, this has come with a caveat of painful side effects, mainly being that it feels like my bones are brittle and fracturing by the minute.  The shattering side effects have left me disabled and laid up.  I will have another shot tomorrow morning, with the expectation that I will be spending another day out of action and united with my bed.

The plan of action is that I will go into clinic again next Wednesday, in hopes that my cell count will have improved, by means of the shots.  I’d much prefer to be discussing other types of shots that come in the form of a small glass and liquid fun.  But, it looks like these bone marrow shots will be a part of the plan for the next month, to ensure that I am well above the line of “too low”.  In the meantime, I will continue to stay in bed and get plenty of R&R, while being heavily medicated.  God speed…

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend and I will update this upcoming week with any up to date news.

Cheers!

Love,

Britt x

Nan, Granddad and The Beatles, OH MY!

#TheBeatles I #BSMHB #BeStillMyHeartBlog I www.bestillmyheartblog.wordpress.com

Growing up in an all-British household, I was convinced during the first five years of my little life, that The Beatles were the British Government.  This of course came before I realized that John Lennon had been shot to death in New York City, five years prior to my birth and that there was such thing as the Royal Family and the House of Parliament, amongst many other things. After all, I was growing up in America, but the initial stages of my childhood were brought upon by British traditions and anecdotes.

Generally speaking,  it may have been the stories I was told from my Nan about how The Beatles hailed from the same region in which our family came from, or how she used to watch them at The Cavern Club before they took the world by storm with Beatlemania.  Imaginably, I have always glorified them because my Granddad had a band called “Cheshire Cats” where he would play at The Cavern Club, in Liverpool, just before The Beatles would take the stage.  Moreover, I have always had a special connection to their music and as I grow older I have the fondest of memories blaring the music with my Nan on the way to Las Vegas, or the time that my Nan, Mum, Auntie and I went to see Beatles Love Cirque Du Soleil and my Nan enlightened all of the songs and their some what political meaning they held at the time the songs were released.  I have always associated The Beatles with my Nan and Granddad and that will be something I can carry with me for the rest of my life.

Yesterday, I believe that I had my most challenging chemo session to date.  The Avastin once again reared it’s violent side effects on my weak body, despite taking the right measures and medications in an effort to avoid such symptoms.  While I didn’t have issues specific to my heart, I did have an incredibly difficult time breathing and each breath was taken with a sense of trepidation, as I felt that with each breath, it may be my last one.  Then began my old friend, the shakes.  My body began to convulse and erratic shaking took place.  As this was happening I was so doped up on medication that the only emotional response my body could retort was to cry in the arms of my lovely Nan.  Silently, I began to talk to my Granddad who is up in heaven and asked him to keep an extra eye on me and instantly within that little whisper, Here Comes the Sun began to play in my mind as I drifted in and out of consciousness.; “…little darling, it’s been a long, cold lonely winter, it feels like years since it’s been here.  Here comes the sun, here comes the sun and I say, it’s alright…”.  The song continued to play, for only my ears to hear and I knew it was a sign from my Granddad that he is watching over me and that everything would be alright.

As the ingenious John Lennon once said, “…we all shine on, like the moon, and the stars, and the sun.”  Thank you to my Nan for always being by my side through the fun times and the not-so fun times, you are my rock, my sunshine and to live in a world without you is unimaginable.  And to my Granddad, you may not be “here”, but thank you for letting me know you are with me, standing by my side, from the other side.   As for The Beatles, thank you for always providing me with a connection to my Nan and Granddad and for always being the chosen voice and sign during my times of trouble and hopelessness.

 “Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup, they slither wildly as they slip away across the universe. Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my opened mind possessing and caressing me.” – The Beatles, Across The Universe

I #BSMHB #BeStillMyHeartBlog I www.bestillmyheartblog.wordpress.com

I #BSMHB #BeStillMyHeartBlog I www.bestillmyheartblog.wordpress.com

I #BSMHB #BeStillMyHeartBlog I www.bestillmyheartblog.wordpress.com

I #BSMHB #BeStillMyHeartBlog I www.bestillmyheartblog.wordpress.comI #BSMHB #BeStillMyHeartBlog I www.bestillmyheartblog.wordpress.comI #BSMHB #BeStillMyHeartBlog I www.bestillmyheartblog.wordpress.com

Love,

Britt x

Chemo Round 6- 11/07/2013 VLOG

WARNING:  No makeup, loads of tears and a shaky voice.  Not my proudest video, but I’m just keeping it real.  Today was filled with some bad news that I may have heart failure/problems due to my chemo treatment.  Watch the video for the full update.

Love,

Britt x