Tag Archives: 8MM

Almost Thirty: Memory Lane Part I

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Memory

Sometimes I get a little sentimental about the days before I was diagnosed with cancer. Often times it’s when I am relaxing my achy soul in a steaming bubble bath while Patsy Cline cradles my heart with her soothing songs in the background. Drifting into another lifetime, the thought of the long-standing side effects of chemotherapy are not lost upon me. “Chemo brain” is the common lingo used to describe the forgetfulness, where some cancer patients like myself are greatly impacted. That combined with the lethal pain management medication, it becomes easy to have left your mind in an unknown place.

If memory serves me right (pun intended), I used to be as sharp as a tack. A memory of an elephant and the ability to recount the tiniest of details was a knack I thought I’d never shake. Admittedly I see now that I took it for granted. Throughout my school days it was not unusual for me to retain everyone’s name in every single class, whether we spoke or not. It was a part of my charm, even perhaps making others feel special every so often. Maybe?

Then cancer entered my life. I started treatment and one of the initial impressions of chemotherapy, aside from the physical elements, was feeling detached from my mind and memory. Spacey would be an understatement of how I swiftly felt as my treatment proceeded, leaving me to barely recount short or long-term cognizance.

From there it trickled down and sanctioned me into thinking about where my life is presently and all of the hopes and dreams I still have for myself. The floodgates to the inevitable neatly seep in and take over, with mortality becoming the forefront of every  foggy thought. In the midst of the flood, something happens and like a life vest, my memories suddenly save me. It can be triggered by a text, a picture, a song or even a smell and all at once, just like that, I remember. I remember why I fight so damn hard everyday to beat this cancer, to reclaim my life. The memories provide the sunshine when the path is too dim to see what’s ahead. And soon, I will be able to say that I have 30 years full of magnificent memories and have been blessed with such a colorful life.

As my 30th Birthday approaches, I am going to take a trip down memory lane each day and share some of my life’s most precious moments on  Be Still My Heart Blog. Life should be celebrated and while I continue to kick cancer’s ass each day, I will always have my blog to look upon and reminisce, giving me the fuel to continue to fight for my future.

Enjoy this gem of Steve and I on a trip to California and check in as I look back through the years…x

Love, Britt x

#FBF — Chop, Chop:

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#FBF

Thinking of chopping my hair off again, but this time without resembling Kris Jenner.  It’s 106* here in Phoenix and I am melting!    What do you say? x

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A BROAD, ABROAD WITH A BLOG, ✈

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Hello, my shining moonbeams. It’s been a minute. Within that minute I have entered what I feel to be a new phase in my life, a freeing phase that is catapulted by happiness. For nearly a month, I spent time across the pond and rediscovered my life and the things I want out of it.

To start off, wow. Can I just say – I LOVE ENGLAND! I’ve always known that and I had been there times before, but this time felt different. As most of you know, if you follow my story, I have been on travel lock down since my cancer diagnosis in the summer of 2013. By nature I am a jetsetter. I enjoy being in unknown places, without being attached to my “real” life and the troubles within. When I travel, there is a certain romance to it, a freedom that allows you to be whomever you want and for me, that is living without a terminal illness. I’m able to go back to being me; an adventurer with thirst in my blood for worldly experiences. When I was diagnosed, I felt that one of the biggest losses to having cancer was the fact that I could no longer be as free as I wished to be. My citizen of the world passport would no longer apply and I’d be stuck doing treatment after treatment without an escape. My escape had become writing. If I were no longer going to be able to leave and experience life, then I’d write about it, which I have.

This year, 2015, I vowed to myself that it would be different than the last two, that I would yet again spread my wings and live a little. In the beginning of the year I approached my Doctor and pleaded for some independence from my chemotherapy week after week, to which she obliged and advised that 2015 could be my year of travel with chemo squeezed in between. It was the best news I had heard in quite some time and immediately booked a trip to Hawaii with Steve-O and planned the trip for Nan and I go travel to the UK together to attend my beautiful cousin’s wedding and share laughs and love with the family over there that we don’t get to see often enough.

The trip was so important to me and I wanted to ensure that I soaked everything in. My Nan in her very own way was my wish-granting factory, as she made the trip happen. Being that we were returning to her home town, I was fortunate enough to visit her previous homes, where she grew up, the house she was born in, the hospital she had my Mum and Auntie Bev in, where my Granddad went to college, where the two of them were married and so much more. Being able to experience England through her eyes was more than my hearts desire and something I will never be able to thank her enough for.

There were endless amounts of stories, laughs, fish and chips, tea and best of all time with family on both my Nan’s side and my Granddad’s side.   My roots are in full force over there and it was lovely to get to know that side of myself so much more. The posh wedding of my cousin, which we attended, has built memories that will last a life time, as well as traveling to Chester, Liverpool and all over the Wirral with my cousin’s and their other halves, of course also visiting London with the best company and seeing each and every friend and family member. Howls were had, love was expressed and England will forever hold the key to my heart. Quite literally, as Nan and I locked our love on Albert Dock in Liverpool and threw the key into the River Mersey. Our loved ones can continue to visit us in Liverpool, even though we may not physically be there, our spirit will always remain.

Since I’ve been back I have been reliving each moment in my head and finding it difficult to write about. My time spent there was so special, that it is difficult to express. I feel rejuvenated and feel I have a new sense of direction for my life.   Suddenly gears have started moving upon my return and from that, fresh goals have emerged. I’m super excited about the future and what it holds and as things get closer, I’ll share more deets.

In the meantime, check out some photos from my trip and watch out for some upcoming projects and collabos. Big Kiss x.

Follow me on Instagram for daily updates: bestillmyheartblog

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Love, Britt x

Long Boarding 101 🚸

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Once a tiny little baby, with resembling Walter Matthau cheeks and now a lovely, brilliant young woman.  My babe of a baby sister inspired me yesterday.  The wise beyond her years thirteen year old lured me into her youthful domain for a minute and shared that she recently started to ride a long board.  Yes, as in a longer variant of a skateboard. This little thing, donning a shirt that reads “hugs and kisses”, in a corresponding hipster floral pattern, became a teenager and is exploring new things everyday, pushing herself beyond her limits.

I’m gabbing about a thirteen year old that is effortlessly clever, naturally gorgeous and then on top of it all, cooler than cool. Amongst several of the other nonchalant factors of my sister’s cool factor, learning that she added long boarding to her list of inventory made her jump even higher into the rad category.  In an effort to regain my youth, or cling to it rather, as my 28th Birthday is right around the corner, I bought myself a long board today and as my baby sister would say, we are now “#twinning”.

Being that I have an equally “sick” (as in coooool) husband, we headed for the park and Long Boarding 101 commenced.  Attempting to live by my list of “Life’s Too Short- 5 Things”, learning and trying something new served as just the right dose in providing me an extra bit of pure delight.

“To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.” – annonyms 

Love,

Britt x

❝My Best Friend’s Wedding❞

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♡ An open letter to my very best friend, along with a video that captured the utopia that was our time spent together and her wedding celebration. ♡

Crystal,

When we met nearly two decades ago on that fateful Halloween, you donned a perfect Doctor outfit, while I was dressed up as ridiculous French Maid.  This set the tone for our personalities and our friendship.  You have always been the responsible, studious one, while I was a bit crazy and at times wild. However, that couldn’t be a more perfect balance for us; you are the yin to my yang.  While you were dubbed the good child and I the bad child, we created many memories over the years, finding endless ways to entertain ourselves and not realizing that the days of our youth was only momentary.

We entered each other’s lives at the perfect time, as we were both the only children in our families.  We immediately took to one another and soon our friendship spun into a sisterhood.  We would play house for hours, ride our bikes pretending they were horses, have our Saturday golf lessons and ultimately spend every waking second together, all the while never getting on each other’s nerves.  Even as children we had an unbreakable bond that most people do not find in a lifetime.

As we developed into our teen years we remained as close as could be, as we entered the awkward years that is high school.  Where you went, I went and vice versa.  Even after I moved to Wisconsin in the middle of our high school career, our friendship remained intact and we would travel hours by plane to visit one each other and pick up exactly where we left off.

We tried living together as we entered our earlier twenties, once I moved back to Phoenix and we soon realized that being the best friends that we were, did not lend it self to also being roommates.  And you know what?  So what, we had a little blip in the road of our twenty year relationship.  That’s what relationships are all about, ebbs and flows.

Crystal, you have always been number one in my book.  We have thousands upon thousands of stories, inside jokes and memories to fill the pages of books.  I’m inclined to say that there is truly no one more marvelous than you.  I am so proud of the beautiful person that you have become, all of the wonderful things you have accomplished and most of all I am joyed to stand before you after all these years and say “congratulations” on marrying your best friend (in male form obviously).

As for Sunny, I don’t have to tell him what a four-leaf clover you are.  He knows that you are hard to find and lucky to have.  I have known you longer than I haven’t known you.  I know that you are as picky as it gets when it comes to gentleman suitors and that Sunny must be pretty special to nab your fancy.  I know that the two of you will also fill pages and pages of memories over the years and if anyone is worthy of your companionship, it is Sunny.

I may not have a lifetime of experience being married, as it has only been two years, but I do have a lifetime of experience in an impeccable friendship with you.  My advice:  always treat each other with respect, first and foremost, listen to one another and most of all, laugh.  Laugh at yourselves, laugh at each other and laugh together.

Here’s to a marriage full of love, laughter and forever friendship.

Loving you always,

Britt x