New Year’s Resolutions: 17 for 2017

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Hiya!  I can’t believe December is nearly over. Where has this year gone? I am sure you’re asking yourself the same question. I think this year has been the fastest of my life thus far and it frightens me. They say the older you get the faster the years go and I’m starting to believe whoever “they” are. For as long as I can remember I’ve stuck to one resolution and one resolution only when it comes to New Year’s, however I’m feeling a little sparky this year and thought I’d mix up the bag. Some of these are unique to me and others are some I’ve seen floating around in the abyss. Either way, I hope you can enjoy and perhaps foster them into some of your rezzy’s for this 2017!

  1.  Set up a recurring donation:  If there is something that is close to your heart, perhaps you could have a few bucks deducted from each paycheck to go towards your favorite charity.  You won’t even know the money is missing and you’ll be doing something wonderful!
  2. Boost Positive Daily Thoughts:  This is a fun one!  Sign up for a daily, motivational text through Shine text and you can share the beaming energy with your friends and co-workers.
  3. Provide in Tangible Ways:  We don’t always have an extra $5 to give to every homeless person on the street, but perhaps we can keep a few extra water bottles in our car, a banana, or even a PB&J.  Get creative, help can come in many forms and can be a lot more than money!
  4. Downsize Social Media Time:  This is a big one for moi and for many others, I believe. Social media is just so damn entertaining and it’s fun being nosey and seeing what everyone is up to, but it can also be very time consuming.  Limiting yourself to X amount of time per day will make you feel less tied to your phone, but in case you need a little help…there’s an app (go figure) that lets you know if you’re spending too much time on your phone and kicks you OFF! Check it out for your smartphone.
  5. Get my To-Do-List ON:  I am notorious for procrastination and being scatterbrained.  I want to keep a better check on my schedule and my to-do’s in a proficient way, with the upmost potential to all of my devices and this online to-do-list seems to be the lifesaver that will help me stay afloat…and it’s free, yippee!
  6. Reality TV vs. Educational TV:  Another thing I am notorious for is reality television.  Anything on Bravo, I’m there and hooked, doesn’t matter the show or the plot, all that matters is that Andy Cohen is behind it. However, I’m not learning much other than maybe a few new hot words. So, instead of constantly filling my head with reality TV, I figure I’ll swap that out with something that is more educational, such as a documentary or something along those lines in which I can learn from.
  7. Say No More:  Here’s the deal, I want to say yes to everyone and please everyone, but saying yes isn’t good for anyone involved if you’re being stretched too thin and putting their needs above your own.  Honesty is the best policy and people will respect you so much more if you speak up.
  8. Take Time to Meditate: The practice of meditation can be physically, emotionally and mentally empowering.  Setting time aside for yourself as a body and soul is so important and has the power to improve your whole life if you practice daily.
  9. Drink Hot Water w/ Lemon:  When I was originally diagnosed a friend of mine told me to drink this every morning and I did for a while.  It is tremendously good for your digestive track, amongst other things.  It’s about that time to get back on that wagon.
  10. Learn Another Language:  In High School I took Spanish but I did not retain a thing.  I have quite a bit of time on my hands these days and a spartphone at my disposal with a free app like Duolingo.  Why not brush up on my español?
  11. Get Outside More:  Typically I am such a homebody, this upcoming year I want to start taking advantage of my awesome neighborhood and beautiful city.  Getting outside can clear your head and a bit of fresh air can do you a world of good.
  12. Build More Experiences:  Not to focus on the material aspects of life, but instead the experiences.  The short road trips to California, the weekends up at the cabin, concerts and festivals with friends, the possibilities are endless.  Experiences and memories over things and items will last a lifetime.
  13. Turn Negatives Into Positives:  We live in a world where the negatives seem to outweigh the positives these days.  Instead of looking at the glass half empty, look at the glass half full and your whole perspective on life will change.
  14. Say I Love You More Often:  Since I was diagnosed I have no shame in telling the people that I love that I love them all the time, even at times completely out of the blue.  I’m sure it gets annoying but if it pops into my head, I want them to know it.  Friends or family, it doesn’t matter — don’t carry shame for love, yell it from the rooftops if that’s how you feel.
  15. Show Others Your Appreciation:  I am fortunate enough to constantly have people doing such lovely things for me and I feel inadequate when it comes to showing my appreciation.  This year I want to be sure that I am showing my appreciation in full force.
  16. Don’t Take Anything Too Seriously: Have a laugh, loosen up, be the butt of your own joke.  You can’t take anything in life too seriously, there’s always someone out there that has it worse off than you and you must remind yourself of that.  We’re all pretty fortunate.
  17. Forgive:  Last but not least, forgive those who have hurt your or forgive yourself.  Life is too short and as we know the years are way too short to hold onto anything negative.  Come into the new year with a fresh start and a clean heart.

 

Happy New Year, my loves!

Love,

Britt

Fraudulently Inspiring:

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I wish I could tell you where I go when I go quiet. It’s often when I feel my walls crumbling down around me. Lately I have been struggling to find purpose in my life, but I know my weaknesses and I know my voice and writing happens to be just that. I know I shouldn’t abandon the one thing that gives me purposefulness and solace in my lowest of low. When I feel weak it builds the walls around me up , strengthening the world that I live in.

Pain has been something I’ve been dealing with lately, a lot of cracks in my everyday life that darkness seems to have been setting in much more than light. I’ve needed to find my way back to my latest disgrace. Feeling as though I am a fraud in the light of inspiration that so many find me to be. How can one be inspiring when I can’t even feel my feet below me? I feel lost and sleep the hours away under the spell of depression.

My Doctor gave me a month break from chemo as he sees how tired I have become from all of my treatments. After the month is over I will resume back on chemo as well as begin a clinic trial, which is not approved by the FDA. Of course all of this makes me nervous. It’s a constant reminder that my life is in the hands of medicine, in poison. However, I am going to take full advantage of this month and get plenty of rest, per Doctors orders.

I feel stifled by the air in my chest and the anxiety that I am currently enduring. My heart is flooded with emotion, not with haste but an understanding that I am what I am and my life is how it is. All I can hope is that one-day my scars will be healed and all of this pain will be far away. That I can learn to live with what I am, full-fill my dreams and that this fickle flesh will not go to waste.

The reality is that I have no time to spare, I have to put up a fight and rise to the occasion. Find my purpose in what I love most, which is writing. Get back in touch with my one true love. Find consolation in the people that believe in me, so I can still believe in myself. Coming out of the woods by choice and be sure that I can see a new start.

Thank you for bringing me out of the cold. Let’s hope the darkness in my head is tamed  and the sunshine beams through instead.

Love,

Britt x

For the first time a blind shield was lifted today as I walk across the tight rope that I walk so finely each and every day. Things lately have been ever so windy and I have been dangling from that tight rope, hanging on for life, wishing I could start again or finish quickly. I’ve been absent, hushed from my writings and mum from the world. Many things have been taking place in our lives as of late, we’ve been taking the hits as they’ve been coming, but we have each other.

Through the many storms that I have weathered, I’ve recently allowed them to harden my exterior and becoming a prisoner, trapped, experiencing monsoons eroding from within. This weekend I was finally able to slow it down, realizing that friends and family exist and no matter the troubles that are taking place, there is goodness within the chaos as it churns and its not us against the world.

Britt

x

#3 Cancerversary Q & A:

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Q: What makes you smile these days?

A: Family. I’ve been getting a lot of family time in lately, both on my side and Steve’s side and it brings the biggest smile to my face. It’s so important and it literally makes my heart beam with happiness. Also, Zoila my little sausage dog – when she’s not being naughty and chewing up my adidas shoes!

Q: Did you learn anything in your third year of battling cancer?

A: Of course. It was such a journey this year for me. I learned how to be humble and forgive and be forgiving. It could be very easy for me to be angry and bitter over what my body has had to endure, but I am choosing to accept that this is what was meant to happen to me, accept my journey and move on from it. The hardest part is knowing that I’ll never be able to give Steve a biological child. However he is so forgiving of that and for that I am the luckiest.

Q: What has been your most memorable moment in the last year?

A: This year has been full of many ups and downs. I’d say the most memorable would be bringing Zoila home for the first time. For Steve and I it was the equivalent to bringing home our baby. Something we’ll most likely never have the opportunity of knowing what that feels like, but when we brought her home we were both on cloud nine. On another note, finding out that I had 5-11 months to live and when Steve and I were given the news we went straight to the casino. We try to live life for the moment and not let things get us down. He’s my hero for that.

Q: What have you done to make your life less stressful?

A: I’ve stuck to my zero bullshit tolerance. I often walk on such a fine line of being content and depressed and in order to remain on the positive side of things I’ve learned that I need to protect myself. It’s a challenge.

Q: Are you carrying any excess baggage into your fourth year as a cancer patient?

A: Yes, I’m still trying to find my motivation. I’d say I have lost it some where along the way – I’m not sure where or how but I’m trying to find it again. It’s a tricky thing. For so many years I had so many goals to work towards and then when cancer came along my sole goal was survival, staying alive and everything else ceased to exist. This year I need to find myself again, refocus on what makes me tick and what makes me happy.

Q: Is there anyone that deserves a big “THANK YOU”?

A: Dr. Galliano – my surgeon that removed the basketball tumor from my uterus and performed my hysterectomy. Without that man I wouldn’t be here writing this today. HE’S the reason I am ALIVE and also the reason I switched over to Mayo Clinic. In his words he told Steve, “If she were my wife, she’d be going to Mayo Clinic.” And the rest is history. Because of the switch, my tumor markers are now at 3.8 which is the lowest they have EVER been since I have been diagnosed with Colon Cancer and they have my chemo down to an absolute science, allowing me to have a quality of life. Also, anyone out there, family, friends, supporters who are there cheering me on – I so appreciate you more than you know, so thank you! xx

Q: What are your top three goals for the next year?

A: Continue to stay in a good frame, a positive frame of mind. It’s mind over matter after all. Travel a bit here and there. And get my groove back in terms of motivation proclamation.

Q: What has the biggest lesson been so far with having cancer?

A: From pain, comes beautiful lessons and from beautiful lessons comes peace.

Q: What are your fears?

A: The same as always, letting fear win. Once fear enters the mind, it takes over the body and I can’t afford to let that happen.

Q: What have you struggled with in the last year that you want to change?

A: Again going back to setting goals for myself and sticking with them. Action follows focus.

Q: What can you do today that you were not capable of a year ago?

A: I can do more. A year ago when I was on chemo I would be bedridden. Now I have a quality of life, I can be 30 and go out with my friends and family and live the life that I have with enjoyment!

Q: What word best describes the way you’ve spent the last year of your life?

A: Survival.

Q: In one year from today, how do you think your life will be different?

A: Hopefully my cancer will still be in a manageable place, where I can continue to have a quality of life. Second to that, I hope to get published and see the book lined on shelves for everyone to read. High hopes, always!

Q: What have you learned about yourself in the last three years that you have been a cancer patient?

A: I’m a survivor – that’s for damn sure!

Q: What is one thing right now that you are totally sure of?

A: That life and people are so precious – never take anything or anyone for granted.

Q: What question do you often ask yourself?

A: What is this life?

Q: Time or money?

A: Time. It’s such a strange concept to me.

Q: What is your wish for the next year of your life?

A: Peace, always.

My Crystal Baller: 🔮

Happy Birthday

It’s been said a time or two that opposites attract. Crystal and I are the mere definition of that saying. However, our relationship has been fierce from the start. Nearly three decades of one million memories, ten thousand jokes, one hundred shared secrets, all for one reason: best friends. Today is my number ones 30th Birthday and I couldn’t have enough lovely things to say about my unbiological sister and how happy I am that I found her in this big, wide world.

Crystal, there’s not many things that our friendship hasn’t endured. From the time we were little you were a sweet cupcake in a world full of muffins. We’ve been through crazy times, weddings, funerals, good times and bad, but we’ve never turned our backs on one another — even when we did a little soul searching of our own we were still imprinted on one another’s hearts and souls. May the next thirty years be just the same.

My wish for your coming year is that it’s filled with a little magic and madness, but the good kind of folly. Travel to your hearts desire, see the world and share your many adventures. While you’re at it, read some fine books along the way and get lost in the words and your imagination. Sing at the top of your lungs, Mariah Carey style. Relax and let the world spin madly on, whilst you sip on a fine glass of wine. Do something to surprise yourself. Treat yourself and splurge on something without feeling the slightest bit guilty. Live only as you can. And most importantly, come visit your best friend. Just remember, in an mmmbop it’s gone. Happy 30th my beautiful forever friend. I love you more than any word I could ever write.

Love your best friend for eternity,

Britt x